My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
