Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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