history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
