My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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