I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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