Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
