I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
