Moan for me like Helen Keller
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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