My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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