last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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