a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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