ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
