Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
