bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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