There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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