Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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