Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
