I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
