I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
