I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
