my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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