Ambien. No doubt about it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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