this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
