So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
