You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
