I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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