I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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