highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
