I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She bit a glass in half.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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