rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
