tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
