Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
