You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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