3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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