I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
