I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
