My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
