All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
