Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
