We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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