They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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