dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
