it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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