I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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