What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
