Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
