I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He better not be in your backpack
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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