Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We got so high we made milksteak
meet me or not, i'm out of control
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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