It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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