Pappa wants mamma naked
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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