the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
