According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
