So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
